The Dog and the Floor; The Opposite of Symbiosis

A massive ungainly beast wanders the narrow halls of my home. Her powerful legs, capable of knocking down fences and pushing doors open even when they’re securely closed and locked, do not give her any sense of bravado. Despite her massive jaws and two inch long pointed teeth she is so easily frightened. I’m not just talking about a twitch of her leg muscles or a sudden scrunching of her eyes when she is startled. Anything that alarms her sends her into a frenzy of uncoordinated motion that fails to regard anything or anyone in her path and she tears around with a look in her eyes that says I don’t know where I’m going or even why I’m going there but as long as I’m going somewhere everything is going to be ok.

A couple of nights ago, for example, I was in my bedroom changing into my pajamas when I heard the most unsettling sound. I can’t describe it. It was somewhat comparable to a very localized earthquake capable of going to and fro within a confined space. I naturally jumped to my feet and ran towards the sound, concerned for the well being of my family.

Before I describe the sight that greeted my eyes upon the opening of my bedroom door I must make you aware of a few facts. A much smaller, though no less ungainly or easily startled, beast wanders my narrow halls along with the massive one. The small one is a noble creature, sporting the beard of a schnauzer on the body of a Chihuahua. We have no carpets or rugs. While the doorways are comfortably wide, the furniture is arranged in such a way that the massive beast barely has room maneuver even when she isn’t scared. It should also be noted that the beast is a relatively new addition to our household. She only recently worked up the courage to spend any of her inside time in any other room than the laundry room.

With all of those facts in mind, let us return to the aforementioned sight I beheld. As I opened the door the small noble one was beelining (yes, I just verbed that) for my bedroom. If I hadn’t opened the door I’ve no doubt he would’ve slammed into it. His ears were plastered to the back of his head and his beard was blown flat against his throat with the friction of his speed. His legs moved so fast that the clicking of his nails on the floor was an uninterrupted stream of hypnotic sound. Just behind him and trying with all her might to run was the great lumbering she-beast. Her head was so low to the ground that she nearly swiffered the floor with her muzzle. Her hind end was raised and it looked as if her front half was moving at top speed forcing her rear half to struggle to keep up with it. Each leg seemed to be trying to run in a different direction from all the others. It was obvious she was trying to correct this, however the lack of friction between paws and slick wood flooring stymied her every attempt at looking somewhat dignified as she ran in fear of who knew what. Of course, she didn’t dare stop running from whatever it was that she was running from, so she just made do with what the situation handed her to get away. At the moment of first sight of the debacle it appeared that she was desperately attempting to make dinner of the small noble beast. She finally decided she’d run far enough and just in the nick of time allowed gravity to do what it had been trying to do all along and skidded to a stop on her belly mere inches from where I was standing.

What could’ve scared the great creature so? Apparently she was laying on the kitchen floor when my wife scooted a kitchen chair. It made a noise and that was enough to cause the chaos that then ensued. I’m told she was only about halfway to her feet when she decided to go ahead and try to run.

I had such high hopes for her. I imagined she would keep the children safe and run off any potential break and enterers. I suppose my best hope now is that her mere size will be enough to deter any threats my family may face in the future.

I bid you adieu and a don’t.

Adieu…love your clumsy dogs. They can’t help their skittishness and proclivity for extreme panic.

A don’t…forget that if you have large indoor dogs and wood floors, throw rugs with those stay-in-place friction pads are a must.

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Author: macbick

I am a writer who takes joy in presenting ideas that I find funny or strange. In addition to blogging I write children's books that, I hope, will bring families together for a few minutes while inspiring laughter, questions, conversations and introducing a few new words. Visit my Facebook page @williamennisauthor for more on my philosophy and to preview my book. Only one is out so far. Many more to come soon.

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