An Intro, Why Not?

I begin my first blog post with a giggle in my throat. This involuntary expression of mirth (which has now vacated my mouth and is one with the life-sustaining gaseousness of which we all must involuntarily partake) comes not from any giddiness on my part due to the fact that, for the first time in my life, I’m “blogging”; rather it stems from the word blog itself. I now participate in an activity whose nominative noun brings to mind some sort of gooey, fantastical creature native to low budget science fiction films or unimaginative novels of the same genre.

That being said and this being my blogging debut, perhaps I should set the stage for whatever readership I may be fortunate enough to enjoy.

Firstly, I refuse to refer to myself as a blogger. This term makes me think of coffee shops, laptops (keep an eye out for future posts about how a laptop makes a good potpal {certainly in no way a drug reference}) and “hipsters”; a label to which I have no particular affinity or aversion, just so we’re clear. However I do not intend to use this blog as a soapbox from which to tout my own personal propaganda or plug my favorite bit of theater (Be warned, however, that if the day ever comes I may use it as a platform from which to plug a novel or perhaps even an internet video fraught, if I do say so myself, with hilarity) or to blast the most abominable politician or political action. This blog is a whimsy meant primarily to help my own (alleged by those close to me) oddly wired brain sort out the thoughts that cause me sudden fits of anger, cynicism or uncontrollable laughter. There may not be another human being in the universe that will find my thoughts, rantings or ramblings the least bit helpful or entertaining. For these reasons I dub my self a “bloggist”. A term that, to me, lends a more technical appearance to what I’ve decided to do. I suppose “blognician” would also be acceptable nomenclature.

Secondly, be forewarned, and this goes for myself as well, if you intend to be a faithful, or even just occasional, reader of my blog; you’ll most likely be offended by something at some point. Bear in mind I hold no one’s ideas against them, so long as they don’t act upon the evil ones. I simply ask that you, as a reader, will afford me the same consideration. I’m as docile as a blind, deaf, mute quadruple amputee even if some of my posts may make me sound as psychotic as a psychopath. But sometimes my own ideas very nearly offend me. For an example of this, check back periodically for a post concerning my assertion that it is improper to ever refer to a male as a virgin. Your brain will implode from the thinking of it and your sensibilities will be offended even after structural integrity has abandoned your gray matter. I don’t condone most of the things I will eventually blog about.

Thirdly, I have fairly thick skin and will not take personally any comment anyone may wish to post (especially untaken personally will be those comments I sense are meant to be taken personally) although if a comment is particularly hair-raising I may find myself enticed to keyboard as withering a reply as I can muster.

Fourthly, by way of introducing myself to you more personally, I say simply this; I enjoy many things, dislike equally as many, and my likes and dislikes flip flop on a regular basis for barely any reason at all. Therefore, if you and I have nothing in common at the moment, it is nearly a certainty that at some point we will agree on something. We may as well say we are and always shall be potential friends. If we can interact on that basis, I say “Welcome to my blog” For an example of how my likes and dislikes swap status and how easily said swap is accomplished, keep an eye out for a future post regarding the professional baseball team that made me laugh derisively shortly before stealing my heart. Figuratively, of course. Never in the past or present have I blogged from beyond the grave, although if I ever can I certainly will. And when that glorious day arrives, as I am now convinced it will, I demand you refer to me as a “blogghost”. Now I’m excited to die! But that is another post entirely.

And now, person with perpetual friend potential, I say in closing; Be this statement our sign of parting, Reader Potential Friend, I type upstarting:

“Thanks for reading. I bid you adieu…and a don’t.

Adieu…check back on a weekly basis if you feel you’d enjoy trying to swallow whatever tripe I may happen to heave towards you.

A don’t…bother checking back if you’ve been bored to tears by my rambling so far. Although if such is the case I belittle you for sticking around as long as you have. You might as well check back next week anyway.

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Author: macbick

I am a writer who takes joy in presenting ideas that I find funny or strange. In addition to blogging I write children's books that, I hope, will bring families together for a few minutes while inspiring laughter, questions, conversations and introducing a few new words. Visit my Facebook page @williamennisauthor for more on my philosophy and to preview my book. Only one is out so far. Many more to come soon.

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