Of Keychains and Pocket Holes

Once again my plans have met befuddlement. The thought I mentioned two posts ago was slated for this evening’s post, however, I had an experience this morning that bumped that thought yet again. It’s still floating in my brain and provided that the next few days are fairly mundane it will be the topic of my next entry. But on to today’s dilly-o.

My key chain made me late for work. This aggravated a pet peeve. It’s the one where you get angry when things don’t work well for their intended purpose. I’m sure I’m not alone in this one. I don’t get mad about much, but little things like this enrage me.

It’s a small metal piece shaped like the batwing. It has many sharp metal points that neither give nor forgive. Kneeling with it in my pocket is a horrid experience. And when you have a hole in your pocket this keychain acts similarly to a fish hook that’s stuck through your clothes. The thing simply wouldn’t come out. It felt like I was doing one of those weird puzzles you find at the old timey general store type places. Anyway, I only had two minutes or so to get in the car before I’d have to do that driving five miles an hour over the speed limit thing to get there about on time. I don’t like doing that because it means I’ll get to work sooner which means that my drive will be shorter which makes no sense because getting to work sooner is the whole goal of driving five miles an hour over the limit.

So, as my mind wrestled this puzzle my fingers wrestled the puzzle in my pocket. I had my pocket turned out and my keys were just hanging there and I was fiddling back and forth between trying to get my keys without damaging my pants and just yanking the thing through the hole. Both options were fraught with hardship. Or at least my panic stricken brain thought so. If I made the hole bigger maybe my keychain wouldn’t get stuck in it anymore. Maybe it would just hang through and scratch my bare leg with its ridiculous-on-a-thing-that-lives-in-your-pocket sharp pointy edges. But if I took the time to work it out easily I’d have to do the driving thing. Decisions, decisions…

I ended up deciding to avoid making the hole bigger and go ahead and drive the speed limit even though it would mean being a few minutes late. In situations such as that I’ve found honesty is the best policy. When I told my boss that I was late because of my keychain he looked, at best, mildly enraged and horribly appalled. Taking his silence as an invitation to continue speaking I began to relate to him the tale of my early morning hardship. I had only just enough time to finish before he rolled his eyes and walked away. There was another time at another job that I forgot to put my work shirt on. I went to work in my regular, around the house T-shirt. When my boss asked me about it I stated simply “I forgot to put it on.” This entertained a co-worker of mine. He said “At least he’s honest. Most people would say something like it’s in the dryer. This man forgot to get dressed!” I just didn’t feel like an excuse like that would be sufficient. As a manager my response to such a statement would be something along the lines of “Be more responsible with your time.” Or “Why did you leave it in there? You knew you had to work.” How do you argue with someone who forgot to dress for work? I don’t know and apparently my manager didn’t either because she rolled her eyes and went to the office to get me a new work shirt. This worked in my favor because I had to wear it home so I could wash it. I never took it back unless I was wearing it to work, so basically I then had three work shirts which cut down ever so slightly on my laundry bill and the time it took to do laundry. I never did much with those accumulated moments and cents but still, I had them and that’s what counts.

I notice I have seriously digressed. I have run off topic. Mainly the point I’m making is that things should do what they’re designed to do and do it well. This keychain didn’t. My keys are coming off of it and maybe I’ll get a nice squeaking rubber chicken key chain instead. But I doubt it. I don’t like those ludicrous things. Anyway, Adieu and a don’t.

Adieu…let me know if you run across a keychain that is stylish and performs well.

A don’t…strain yourself, it isn’t that big a deal.


Author: macbick

I am a writer who takes joy in presenting ideas that I find funny or strange. In addition to blogging I write children's books that, I hope, will bring families together for a few minutes while inspiring laughter, questions, conversations and introducing a few new words. Visit my Facebook page @williamennisauthor for more on my philosophy and to preview my book. Only one is out so far. Many more to come soon.

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