It’s Only August. Let’s Talk About Halloween.

I know it is early, but I went to Big Lots and they already had a whole section of Halloween stuff out. Some of it was pretty neat and we almost bought a few things. But…It’s so early. Still, I feel something creepy stirring in my soul and it is darkly wonderful. So here we go.

My wife showed me a post of a Tombstone pizza truck that crashed and spilled what looked like thousands of pizzas all over the freeway. I laughed about it and commented on how it would’ve been much more ironic had the incident occurred near a cemetery and you’d have graves covered in Tombstone pizzas. It may sound disrespectful, but if I have any sense of the mortal realm after I’ve passed and someone finds a Tombstone pizza on my grave, I’d laugh my dead hindquarters off. I suggested to my wife that our Halloween tradition be that we eat Tombstone pizza on the grave of a loved one on that hallowed eve. She disavows knowledge of our marital vows. As well she should. I didn’t bother to finish my thought by suggesting that we bake the pizzas not on a pizza stone but on a tombstone.

We apparently started decorating for Halloween a bit early. Also quite accidentally. I tried to take a picture but my phone is closer to a dumb phone than a smart one and so it has a poor quality camera. Since I can’t show you, I’ll paint a picture with words. My children were throwing dolls in the front yard as I weeded the flower beds. They were having quite a time laughing and chasing plastic people. On more than one occasion I pulled a doll down from a low-hanging branch. I began to tire of this distraction and advised them that the next doll that got stuck in a tree would become sole property of the tree to have and to hold until the next violent storm shook it loose. As is often the case, they ignored me and before they knew it my seven year old’s favorite Moana doll was hanging by a few strands of hair from a rather high branch of an ugly tree quite close to the street. It looks very Halloweeny. The doll’s legs are raised halfway and it faces the street looking quite like the victim of some ritual murder. Like the leprechauns found out she was a witch or something. Right out there for all the neighbors and passersby to see. I’m disinclined to remove it and not only because of the promise I made to the kids. I’m also entertained by the fact that my neighbors won’t understand. You see, they also don’t understand why I’m perturbed when their dog gets over the fence and bites my dog. Who cares what they think?

I bid you adieu…and a don’t.

Adieu…celebrate Halloween whenever you feel like it. It is a state of mind as much as it is a holiday.

A don’t…celebrate it enough that it loses its special magic.

 

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