By title alone, the above premise resounds with hollow egregiousness. Oysters are ocean dwellers, do not move well on their own and have no teeth or other means of offense by which to enact vengeance. Also, they lack brainpower and are unlikely to even know when an act of vengeance is warranted.
It is not the physical attributes of Oysters that inspires my claim, though. It is their technique of dealing with irritants, anthropomorphized.
Oysters, when invaded by an irritant, embrace the offender rather than expelling it. This suggests a deep seated anger on behalf of the oysters. They prevent the irritant returning to its natural environment, or home. They imprison it. Then, ever so slowly, they encapsulate it. They double lock the door; they add another layer of isolation from the offender’s natural environment. Then they add layer after layer after layer of encapsulation and focus only on sustaining themselves and completely masking whatever natural form the irritant used to take. By the time the irritant is finally released, it is recognizable only as a pearlescent orb. It is no longer a grain of sand or a parasite or anything even remotely resembling such.
The oyster focuses its anger and hatred of irritation and takes mind-bogglingly extreme measures to overcome the problem. It suggests that oysters are capable of psychotic rage and are egotistical enough to justify utterly eradicating another life form for nothing more than being irritating. Yet, in a further act of cruelty, the original offender is not physically destroyed. It still survives, dreaming vain dreams, hoping hopeless hopes, within the inescapable prison built around it.
It is the ultimate example of outrageous revenge enacted upon an entity that committed a very minor transgression. Every pearl represents something that caused an oyster minor irritation.
If oysters were people, they would be the ones locked away in prisons and mental institutions for the most heinous of crimes. Movies, documentaries and books would be churned out about their horrendous activities ad nauseam. Neighborhoods and communities would be terrified. Children would travel in groups and be in before dark, especially on Halloween. Freaks would seek strange prison marriages with the oyster people and send them inappropriately intimate photographs. The oyster people would be as adored and reviled as the likes of Gacy and Dahmer.
Forget the robot uprising. Robots can be turned off or, if things become too extreme, disabled through the deployment of EMP devices. Give me the robot uprising any day.
If the oysters start to rise up, I’ll be running to my mother’s house sucking my thumb and trying not to poop in my pants.
I bid you adieu…and a don’t.
Adieu…be cautious around oysters. And people who exhibit oyster-like characteristics.
A don’t…be dissuaded from purchasing pearl jewelry. Likely the pearl was made from nothing more significant than a small parasite. If you ever find a pearl the size of person, however, it’s probably best to leave it be.