Let’s Conspire! Here’s a Theory to Get Us Started

I present to you a real cake-taker of an idea. This idea was presented to me as a truth, or at least as a perceived truth. It has some flaws, but my reason for posting it is so that perhaps a dialogue can be started to iron them out.

The theory goes something like this: Hitler was on the verge of creating a gas that would only kill Jews. I already asked the first logical question; “How?” The answer was that the gas isolated some genetic…bit, for lack of a better word…that was specific to Jewish people and then, somehow, killed them with it. Hitler never got to use his gas, as it was still nearing completion near the end of the war.

In case all that wasn’t quite enough, the theory goes on to state that a certain environmentally conscious former Vice President got his hands on the formula, modified it to only kill cows and then procured several crop dusters. He is planning to fly these over every cattle operation in the U.S. so that, with cows extinct, we must all become vegetarians. More questions arise here. So I asked them. First was “If he only kills the cows won’t people just resort to filling their pastures with deer or bison?” Burger lovers like myself could certainly make do with another form of burger as long as it included meat of some sort. Beef is preferable but not necessarily necessary. Second was “Once the people realize what’s going on won’t they simply keep watch and shoot all crop dusters out of the sky?” The first question was never answered, although I assume the answer is he’ll eventually kill all those too. This of course implies that he doesn’t care for the environment at all, as mass extinction is not extremely environmentally friendly. The answer to the second was that it would be so well coordinated that all the ranches would be hit simultaneously.

You’d think that would be enough. It wasn’t. The next stage somehow has the has-been V.P. owning the only car in America and going door to door confiscating every gun in the country. And that, finally, was enough.

Now, there are those out there who wouldn’t stand for such things and there are those who would shrug their shoulders and live on. If you wish to participate in any discussion you should probably decide which side you’ll be on.

I bid you adieu…and a don’t.

Adieu…keep an open mind. Stranger things than this have turned out to be true.

A don’t…judge me for sharing. This is a theory held by at least one person that I know. There may be other believers out there somewhere.

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End of the World Prophecies End, The World Survives; A Possible Solution to the Age-old Conundrum

Perhaps you’ve heard the most recent Doomsday report that claims the world will end Saturday. If you haven’t, the end of the world has been predicted for Saturday, September 23, 2017. Get ready.

Or don’t bother. We all know that it won’t happen (not all of us, I guess. Most of us). The Mayans were wrong. Perhaps more fairly put, the people who “interpreted” an ancient calendar with no surviving users were wrong. Nostradamus was wrong, (I’m no expert on Nostradamus but surely he’s prophesied on this) web bots were wrong. Biblical scholars, Jewish scholars and crack-pot prognosticators have all been wrong. It isn’t because they are stupid or uneducated. Perhaps it is simply because the world has already ended and we are already in some sort of after-life.

It’s very simple to throw out theories like this. Rest assured, I have substantial evidence to back my claim.

Let’s consider technology. High-end tech labs continue to churn out products at a pace that is nearly as unbelievable as the products themselves. I heard on the radio the other day about a phone security app that gives access to you only after scanning your face to be sure you are an authorized user. Apparently this even adjusts itself over time so that it continues to recognize you even as your face droops with age. Amazing! Slightly scary. Fraught with bugs? We should know the answer to that in about ten or twenty years. I also heard about a pair of pants that will vibrate one leg or the other to notify you that you need make a turn as you progress toward your destination. That’ll be off the market as soon as someone allows their pants to lead them into the path on an oncoming train. Maybe the pants are smart enough to detect trains. At the very least you could call someone smarty pants and literally be correct. It’s about time. Thank you, techno geeks. But I digress.

The unbelievable nature of these products and the speedy  jumps of technological history could be attributed to the fact that the world has already ended. This would go a long way to explaining why these unrealities are realities. They could simply be mass hallucinations inspired by something in the atmosphere we believe we are breathing in.

If we were already in an after-life setting this would also explain Bigfoot, UFOS, ghosts, ESP and every other new-age idea and supernatural experience. People don’t die, they just leave behind their “body” and become invisible.( Or maybe there’s some after- life after the after-life. I hadn’t considered that until just now.) Some people have really seen Bigfoot. Some people have actually been abducted by aliens. People can really read minds and make the Statue of Liberty disappear and keep their teeth white and do any other unbelievable thing because the science we profess to understand doesn’t apply here like it did before the world ended.

Anyway, just food for thought.

I bid you adieu…and a don’t.

Adieu…think about it.

A don’t…overthink it.

Wonders of Post-Apocalyptia

A post apocalyptic setting, of course, requires an apocalypse. This is terrible. But no matter what happens there is usually some sort of bright side. Let’s imagine a few possible upsides of post apocalyptic living.

Shooting stars and meteor showers are beautiful and will surely still occur in Post-Apocalyptia. But, given the fact that whoever it is that does whatever they do to keep satellites in orbit will no longer be doing what they did from wherever they did it, these vestiges of communication, space exploration and scientific discovery will probably fall into decaying orbits. Eventually they could re-enter the atmosphere and fall burning to Earth as single shooting satellites and even perhaps spectacular satellite showers. In addition to being a beautiful sight to behold, the raining down of chunks of high technology will provide adventure to those that seek out the resulting smoking craters of hope. Although I don’t know what benefit they’ll gain from fused chunks of melted metal, plastic and ash.

On a related note, I’ve seen some science that indicates that the moon may be very slowly leaving. If true, this contradicts my next idea, but here it is anyway. At some point perhaps some future generations of survivors will be witness to a shooting moon. It sounds ridiculous but I picture myself standing in my yard and noticing the moon looming large upon the horizon. I think my reaction would be something like “Um…Uaaah.” No exclamation mark. A simple monotonous vocalization prior to vaporization.

Speaking of vaporization, I would be a terrible denizen of Post-Apocalyptia. If it was the case that I could do things without harming anyone else, for example if I was the only person left in my state or even my city, I would likely die by my own hand. I do enough stupid things now for the sake of entertainment. I’ll digress a moment to explain. A few days ago I planned to make a Halloween decoration. I bought a plastic skull on a pedestal and cut a hole in the top. I inserted a candle. I planned to answer my door on Halloween with this in my hand and an Alfred Hitchcocky “Goood Eevening” and then hand out the candy. My wife warned me to use an led candle. I rebelled, calling upon the value of authenticity and bought a wax candle. I lit it on the kitchen counter because I wanted wax to drip down on the skull. I then went to the bedroom to watch t.v. and be lazy. Several times I almost got up to get my glasses from the kitchen counter, but laziness won out until I smelled burning plastic. Even then it didn’t dawn on me. It wasn’t until the dog burst in and hid under my bedside table that I sprang to my feet, tripped over the dog and cursed my way to the kitchen to find that I’d need a new counter top and some flooring needed replaced. With this image in mind, picture a man crawling alone across the asphalt with two bloody stumps below his knees because he stood to close to a recreational explosion.

In the end, the attraction of Post-Apocalyptia is the inherent freedom. No more bills, no more job. Nothing but finding food, shelter and water and then doing whatever on Earth you want to. But in this case the ends certainly do not justify any means to bring about disaster.

I bid you adieu…and a don’t.

Adieu…know that if the apocalypse happens, though I may enjoy it, I had nothing to do with it.

A don’t…worry if you scream at the sight of a shooting moon. It’ll probably be all you have time to do and no one will remember in a few seconds anyway.

If you enjoy my blog, feel free to visit my facebook page @williamennisauthor. My philosophy on writing is available there. Likes, follows and, of course, book purchases are always greatly appreciated. A portion of all royalties I receive will be donated to programs that focus on the strengthening and enrichment of families.